One year ago, today.

Me, Gray and Miles, August 1st, 2013. Getting so close to having our sweet boy!!

Gray, Evan and I. Evan doing his serious face. <3

August 1st, 2013. 

  I was looking through pictures again tonight. Looking back at photos of Gray's birth, when he was home. Before we knew. I love those pictures. I see happiness. Peace. Bliss. Content. We were so in love with this baby, before he was even here. And he was the perfect fit into our family. Such a sweet baby, so quiet and easy-going. The boys were psyched to meet him. They asked questions endlessly about him before he was born. I told them stories about what it would be like to have a baby in the house. How they'd have to teach him everything. How he would be the first time he tried baby food. What a mess he would make. They would laugh and laugh at what I would tell them. They couldn't wrap their brains around how he wouldn't be able to walk or talk for a very long time. They thought it was all so comical and interesting. It was so fun to dream. To think of the future. To imagine all three boys and the things they would get into. It was wonderful. I miss those innocent days. I miss the joy we had. I miss trying to figure out how to take a baby and 2 active kids everywhere. Lugging the baby stroller outta the car and putting Gray's diaper bag on the big clip thingy. Snuggling my boy. Watching the boys stare at their brother and talk to him, sing to him. Give him fist bumps. I miss my boy. He's still alive. Just not here. <3