When you don't have anything to say, don't say anything at all.

Lately I've been pretty much over it. Occasionally I read back over past posts. I like to look back and see where I was at any given moment and see what thoughts were going on in my head. Seems like every time I'd read a post recently, I'd post how frustrated I was over this or that or how I could never get this or that done. So, I'm just pretty much over it. Over being a procrastinator, over being lazy, over putting off til tomorrow or never. Over wishing things would be different but not doing anything about it. I guess when I feel overwhelmed I just get stuck, and sit there, and get more and more frustrated but don't know how to move forward or even have the motivation to try. Sometimes I think I have adult ADD, like for serious, bc as the kids get older, I've noticed I can't get anything done when they're awake, running around laughing, being silly. Not bad, just being kids. I start something, then go break up a fight, or go put something away, and not even remember what I was doing in the 1st place. A lot of times I'd just sigh and go sit down and get on FB or read a blog or pin 12 things to pinterest like I really had the time. So, that, along w/ just being tired of certain things on FB, I've just decided enough is enough. For once in my life I feel like I have absolutely nothing to say or add, and don't really even care.

Like today for instance...I scanned over FB this morning after being gone all weekend. Noticed my friend had put some really cute pics of my boys on there w/ her son, so I posted some replies to that, laughed at some other links my friend had posted, but when it comes time to think about writing a status update, I got nuthin'. I had to choose from "puttin' the house back together after yet another trip outta town...", or "doin' laundry....again." or, "made a grilled cheese for lunch" or "my kids are swimming in the pool yet again". ha. I mean, this is my life, and I love it and all these things bring me joy, but nothing is amazing or new or even 1/2 interesting to others, I imagine, so I just don't feel like writing anything. I guess more than anything, I know I need to really get my act in order. No matter what I wake up feeling like, emotionally or physically, the show has to go on. A lot rests on me, and no one is here to help me do it, so....time to get busy. I have wasted so much time on FB and the internet and just looking at crap that frankly doesn't matter. I unsubscribed to s'more status updates today that irk me to no end....(i sound like such a grump), but y'know....life is too short to get onto something as trivial as FB and let things just get you in a foul mood for more than even 10 seconds! So, yeah. 

I've always been bad at consistency. I consider myself someone who has fairly strong beliefs and ideas about how things should be, and how I'd love to see my life play out, but I'm not great at staying consistent or following thru to see it to the finish. It's like I throw in the towel and get stuck and in my head say "i can't" or "who cares?!" and then have anxiety or depression over it and wonder why I'm so unhappy? So, I'm hoping I am turning over a new leaf. With God's help. I don't think my mind would change so drastically unless He helped it to, so I credit this to Him:)

Mom finally gave me my b'day gift;) and it's a daily Bible. I started yesterday on April 22nd, so was kinda in the middle of some major stuff w/ Abimelech going on, but man, I read stuff I don't ever remember reading about! It took me a good bit to get thru the one day. Had some Old and New testament passages and then a little of Psalms/Proverbs too w/ some notes and expounding going on in the little boxes on the sides there. I'm hoping I will get a lot more out of it than my hit or miss daily devotional I do while sitting at the b'fast table w/ the kids hushing them to be quiet;) I figure, if I can read thru all these books all the time, why not read fewer books and read the one that matters most? I've been realizing how much time and effort and thinking til my brain is smoking, over health, and what we eat and working out, and how I'm gonna get this or that done or planned for school...or menu plans?! or what swim lesson session to put the kids in this summer, but I do very little worrying or thinking over what my Spiritual life looks like. Doesn't say a whole lot for me, or my priorities in life. So yeah. Just things I've been thinking about lately.

Got in touch w/ a gal who used to go to my Mom's group too, and she's involved in what sounds like a great hs group. They meet weekly on Thursdays during the school year and have classes that E can take. There's also a preschool class for M too. I'm gonna call the lady in charge and ask for more deets, so I'm really hoping that pans out for next year. I'd love to have some support in that arena, if I'm gonna continue in the journey of homeschooling. I've been struggling to "finish well" in that area too, as I'm getting tired, bored, lonely, and the days are running together and feeling more monotonous. So I've been praying God will help me finish strong and have renewed energy and a good attitude regarding school. I'm fine once I'm teaching him, but I've mainly been slacking in the area of preparation and plans and it's really showing. I don't want to get lazy in this area.

Funny how God can interrupt your day....just got a call from Mom and stopped writing this to write to a gal about a common struggle we share....depression. Man, it's never easy to do that, but I feel whenever the opportunity arrises I have to help in any way I can. My heart is so burdened now so will be praying hard for her. I always hope something God's allowed me to go thru can help someone who's facing a similar battle, somehow. I will never forget  certain ppl and how what they said shone a light into my darkness when I was at my lowest. I pray He can do that today for her.

WEll, best go. Dinner needs to be made, laundry awaits. Both boys are up now from nap and are swimming yet again *sigh*. I'm well on my way to having everything from the trip unpacked and put away. I am surprising even myself;) i need a sticker or something.