slacker

Well, I've been a slacker lately on here. Mostly bc I've been dealing with bigger issues in my life besides posting recipes and pics of my favorite things;)

A friend on FB posted a link to a blog this week and her post was great. Made me laugh and cry in the same paragraph. I reread it again and cried again today! My life has been such a rollercoaster lately with the kids, feeling overwhelmed, the house being the shambles, not having meal plans in order, struggling w/ food. OMG....I go back and forth every other day w/ feelings of peace and thanksgiving, to anger, despair and "who really gives a crap?" Sometimes it all just feels like TOO MUCH. I would much rather just sit in my stinky gym clothes, with day-old greasy hair and read my book that is overdue by a week, that I'm only 1/2 way through with. But then I see that post. I felt like someone was writing about MY life. What continues to strike me over and again, is, how in this day & age, we are so connected to each other with all this modern technology, yet you can feel so alone in your struggle. There are about 10 ways we can all communicate and encourage each other, give high fives, "likes" and leave messages, yet "WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE GOING THROUGH THIS?!?!"

I don't mean to sound hopeless or like I have no one, bc this simply isn't true. I have a core group of a handful of friends, near and far, who are there for me. Just recently, I went over to one of these friend's house, and after talking for 5 minutes, realized our boys were going through EXACTLY the same phase. So exact that it was almost freaky. We talked for the next 4 hrs?! about everything we were going through, what tactics we were using to bring about diff behavior, the way we punished/rewarded our boys, etc. It's amazing how 1 visit like that can bring such hope and feeling of comradderie (sp) and make you feel completely supported and understood. I feel like my husband is one of the most amazingly understanding and supportive ppl...Frankly, I don't know how he deals with me from day to day w/ my moods, yet there's something about having that girlfriend tell you, "OH MY GOSH> SAME HERE!" . Nothing quite like it.

Times like these I'm thankful for those friends. The ones who I can invite myself over just to talk. The ones who mail you a card to say Thank You for being that friend who puts sunshine in their life. The one who brings dinner just to help you out on a super crappy day. The one who watches your kids, along w/ hers all afternoon on one of her only days off--JUST SO I CAN GO BUY SOME SHOES! hhaa. Not only am I thankful, but I am inspired to be more. To be a better friend, a more caring friend, and daughter for that fact. To meet a physical need to bless someone. To say, heck yes I'll watch your 3 kids just so you can grocery shop in peace for once in your life. To send a card to tell a friend why you love her so, or to keep chugging when the times are more than rough. I am challenging myself this year to be more. I think we all should. What a difference that would make.

Side note: Evan has now earned his TRAIN by saying "Yes Ma'am" and obeying 30 different times!!! yes, the chart was big, but it took him a couple full weeks. He's still in the pattern of saying "NOW do I get a sticker?!?!" after he says Yes Ma'am, but hey, I'll take what I can get!! He's only had 1 meltdown in the past 4 days I think?, and even then, I didn't yell or respond to him in anger. God is stronger than I am. I just now have started reading Dr. Dobson's "Bringing up Boys"...the same book I started to read when E was 2 and thought, "this is garbage"...HA! What a difference 3 yrs can make on the ole perspective!!! (insert hysterical laughter followed by tears). I'm reading it and going Ohhhhh Kay. Totally makes sense now. I have come to the conclusion I prob'ly shoulda had ALL girls bc I would prefer to play Barbies and pretend house than to try to control daring, crazy, bouncing off the wall boys. But, it's all good. I am having to learn and change my thinking and try to trust and let go of the control while NOT on medication. hhaa. oh man.

Well, best go shovel through some filth. I have moments when I let myself think back to the BK days and how beautiful and organized and spotless my house was and I would fake the "oh SORRY the house is such a mess" to drop-in visitors when they'd come over....Now when I say it, it really IS sick. hhaa. I have been back on my organizing bandwagon though, and have made an itemized list and have already checked off about 3 things, one even being in the HARD category (clean the garage!). So.....it's baby steps. I'll take what I can get these days. TOWANDA!