So, even though I got to bed at nearly 4am this morning....(was working on a "free" 8x8 photo book on Shutterfly!! Did my 1/2 pics), we had an awesome day today. We ate and immediately got ready for school, bc I've noticed the problems and attitudes, and bodily harm towards brothers, usually happens in free-play time in the am's. E did awesome in school and did the most beautiful work I've seen. His attitude seemed much better, which reflected my own...lol. I was just grateful.

I ran. Ran in my Under Armour's bc they're my least cushioned shoes. Didn't have any problems til around nearly 2 miles, and that was bc I pushed it on speed. It's hard for me to take it easy; I'm so competitive, even w/ myself. So kicked the shoes off and ran the last mile. Not sure of the time bc I had some interruptions, but ran at 5.5, then 6, then barefoot at 4.8. My arch was having this shooting weird sensation, so had to keep it slow barefoot.

Long story short, I think I'm gonna dust off Dr. Dobson's "Raising Boys" or whatever that book's called. Mom gave it to me when M was 1st born, read a couple chapters and thought, this is bologna....Now I'm seeing more of the light;) Funny how life and kids can change your outlook on what you know to be true. It's like I was naive back then & didn't even realize it. I think it's called maturity, which sucks. ha. Anywho, just had to take away a big privelage for Evan, and it just really bums me out. I have been trying to think of everything I do wrong, and do things differently. I feel that, even though he makes these choices, that his attitude is somehow a reflection of my failures. I know this isn't completely true, but it feels like that a lot. I've been doing poorly on spending time with God and relying on Him, and know this is a big part of the puzzle too. My wisdom in the matter does not match up to His, I'm sure. So yeah. I'm getting out that book and my Bible and putting it on my nightstand tonight. I not only need to get to bed at a more decent hour, but mostly so I'll be awake enough to spend my last moments before bed reading and listening to His words and wisdom. I feel lately like I'm beating my head against a wall bc everything I'm trying is failing w/ my son. Why is it always that I hafta do everything on my own power 1st before I resign myself to the fact that God is the One Who will work a good work anyways?
Well, at least I know what to do. And I know Who isn't surprised by any of this in the least.

I have hope!