Issues

Just finished school for the day and now the boys are watching Veggie Tales--the pirates who don't do anything.:) E did really good today, as we did so much hands on w/ magnets, blocks, chalkboard, and then ended in crafts. We've started on our Christmas crafts and telling the story of Jesus' birth and singing Christmas carols (Christian ones). I think it's gonna be a great month, and esp if I keep planning. I went ahead and planned the whole week last night, bc we are more than likely going to meet up w/ Liz and her clan on Wed, possibly Thursday. So wanted to get it done. Plus, have my Bunco Christmas party tomorrow at Sky, which i'm SO looking forward to! LOVE their food!!! bring on the lettuce wraps!! It's family style, with round tables w/ a lazy susan in the middle so you can each get something different and then turn the table around and grab bits of everything. It's so fun and delicious. We're having an ornament exchange too, and I got a rad ornament. Can't say what it is in case a peeker comes on here:) Then Friday night is Melissa's party--crud. Just remembered I need 3 dozen homemade cookies for that. I might do the simple hershey's kiss ones. Those are always a hit.

I've been having a rough few days w/ the kids. My anger level is up and my patience level is down, so that is never a good combo. Evan has been getting on to me, and we've had plenty of screaming/crying sessions around here. W/ me doing the former and him doing the latter. Not sure what is going on, other than R has been outta town for 4 days straight and I've not been going to the gym. I think that helps greatly w/ my stress levels. But I've been so convicted about it .Then read today in my QT about the things God hates. 1st 2 were...ANGER and RAGE. wow. I just wanted to cry and hang my head in shame. I'm not sure why I go thru all these phases where I struggle so, and then like a month or 2 w/ barely any yelling at all. I feel like I'm a terrible testimony to my neighbors( gosh I hope they can't hear me)....man. I have issues. I think the boys are in another stage now. They are all about laughing hysterically and being LOUD, arguing, calling names, and saying bathroom words--no matter if they get punished every single time, which they do. I don't know...they are just giving me a RUN. I think a lot of it might be bc M is now getting older and is showing his personality more. He is a potstirrer...so that doesn't help. I am just really praying God will help me to bite my tongue and think before I start yelling. It is so hard. I've never been the most patient person, but this is just wrong. I feel alone sometimes, like do other moms really struggle this much?! I would love to have another kid/kids, but w/ how I struggle w/ my 2 (and i really do think my boys are good kids...), I just don't know. I just must not have the personality for a passel of kids. lol. God is  working on me.

R is leaving today to come home and I'm so relieved!!! I've missed him so much. He does so much to help me and to spend time with the boys. I wish I were more carefree like he was. I frequently feel stressed and tense, every day of my life. At least lately. December has historically been a rough month for me for my depression, so I need to keep that in mind too. Not be so hard on myself. This dark business at 6pm is just ROUGH. I can't get used to it. Last night I jammed out to holiday hits on channel 419 and drank diet coke and cleaned like a madwoman, then planned 4 days of school. Then was up til 3 am. UGH. caffeine. the double-edged sword:( But my stress levels w/ my house have really gone down a ton. I need to just stop letting it get so outta hand. Why do I let myself get in that vicious cycle??

Well, bye for now. Just a lot on my mind. Gonna go make myself a tomato pie:) and feed the chits.
Peace